Pay it Forward: Be Kind

On Wednesday, my cousin sistahs Salina and Shazia, chose to celebrate their birthdays by "paying it forward": performing random acts of kindness throughout Toronto, and inspiring others around the world to do the same. I was honoured to be invited to be a part of it, but I was low in energy on Wednesday. The day before was: the 3 year anniversary of my friends' Josh, Shane & Sarah's capture by Iranian forces; the 2 year anniversary of the Toronto benefit concert for them organized by my sistahs' Salina & Shazia and entourage; the 1 year anniversary of our New York City protest outside the Iranian Mission to the UN and Josh, Shane and Sarah's final trial session. As a result of all of the pay it forward (PIF) energy given to them, they are miraculously FREE now. But the last few years are a ton to process and the repercussions on so many of us are HUGE. On many days, I feel more like I need energy than have energy to give.

The positive energy from the group who participated in Salina and Shazia's PIF celebration is seeping in. Today I spent most of the day feeling angry at my neighbours for waking me up at 5:00am by being very loud on their balcony. This is not the first time they have woken me up in the middle of the night. I went for a swim this evening and reflected on how I could handle the situation positively. I decided to approach them and tell them I was glad they were having so much fun (without sarcasm :). And then to ask them if they would mind keeping it down in the middle of the night. I visualized a positive outcome.

On my way to approach them, I bumped into two other new neighbours who turned into an impromptu support group. They too are having challenges with inconsiderate neighbours. They understand exactly how I feel. We shared our experiences of having cigarette butts, alcohol, and beer cans thrown on our balconies, and neighbours running through the halls shouting in the middle of the night. One of them invited me to drop by her place any time to discuss and strategize around the issues. The other offered a very helpful suggestion that I connect with them positively during the day, when they're not drunk. He said that he felt badly for me and hoped I would come to the building turnover meeting. He added that he could represent my concerns if I was unable to participate.

That kindness, concern for me and willingness to be my voice is just what I needed to lift my spirits. It gives me hope that maybe some of the kindness I have paid forward will come back to me when I need it. So that I can then pay it forward. And so on, and so on...

As Shazia says, "It works!" So join our movement!

Five Months of FREEDOM

Yesterday marked 5 months of FREEDOM for Josh, Shane, Sarah and all of us who love them and devoted every cell of our beings to fight for their FREEDOM. I have held to my vow to only write the word 'FREEDOM' in capital letters to better represent its critical importance to life. It is an indescribable feeling to be marking months of FREEDOM rather than months of captivity. I wish we could have global celebrations to mark each of those months, as we had vigils, rallies and protests to mark the months and years of captivity. But I know that people around the world are celebrating each day of FREEDOM with us. And most importantly, I can celebrate those markers WITH Sarah, Shane and Josh. I'm still absorbing that - yesterday I texted Josh a 'Happy FREEDOM Anniversary' message. It took me the entire day to remember that I could do that. The FREEDOM to text, to communicate, is something I will never take for granted again.

The transition to FREEDOM is not an easy journey. We are all processing so much, feeling so much that we had to hold back in order to direct our focus and energy to our fight. One of the most frightening feelings I had after Sarah, Shane and Josh were freed was the uncertainty of what the next days, months and years would bring. The fear was partly due to growing accustomed to living with daily and hourly uncertainty for the 2 years and 2 months of their captivity. It was partly due to the dramatic shift in my identity that I anticipated - from a FREEDOM fighter to...I wasn't sure what.  I longed to get back to parts of my life and myself that I had to neglect while fighting for Sarah, Shane and Josh's lives but I knew that I had been transformed. I knew that I needed to somehow integrate my traumatic and transforming experience into my life's journey, but I didn't know how best to do that.

Fortunately, my journey is unfolding organically with some hard work thrown in. The way in which I spent the 5 month anniversary is a good illustration of that. I spent the morning advising two political prisoner campaigns on organizing coordinated global actions, based on my Free the Hikers experience. I then went to a conference focused on addressing access to care for individuals living in Canada without health insurance.  I brought a guest, who I met through the Free the Hikers campaign, to help expand his networks.  It was wonderful to introduce him to long-time colleagues and friends as I reconnected with them post-Free the Hikers.

My worlds are colliding and merging into one land mass. There are still fissures and fractures in that land mass that I hope will mend in time to provide me with the solid ground I need to be my strongest self. I left the conference early for my weekly trauma therapy session, where I confronted and expressed some of the ongoing pain associated with Sarah, Shane and Josh's hostage-taking. While running some errands afterwards, a bright butterfly-covered scarf caught my eye.  I wear it today to honour my ongoing transformation and to remind me that Spring is coming and with it hope for new growth sprouting from the merging ground of my former and transformed self.

This is the Sea - The Waterboys

These things you keep
You'd better throw them away
You wanna turn your back
On your soulless days
Once you were tethered
And now you are free
Once you were tethered
Well now you are free
That was the river
This is the sea!

Now if you're feelin' weary
If you've been alone too long
Maybe you've been suffering from
A few too many
Plans that have gone wrong
And you're trying to remember
How fine your life used to be
Running around banging your drum
Like it's 1973
Well that was the river
This is the sea!
Wooo!

Now you say you've got trouble
You say you've got pain
You say've got nothing left to believe in
Nothing to hold on to
Nothing to trust
Nothing but chains
You're scouring your conscience
Raking through your memories
Scouring your conscience
Raking through your memories
But that was the river
This is the sea yeah!

Now i can see you wavering
As you try to decide
You've got a war in your head
And it's tearing you up inside
You're trying to make sense
Of something that you just can't see
Trying to make sense now
And you know you once held the key
But that was the river
And this is the sea!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!

Now i hear there's a train
It's coming on down the line
It's yours if you hurry
You've got still enough time
And you don't need no ticket
And you don't pay no fee
No you don't need no ticket
You don't pay no fee
Because that was the river
And this is the sea!

Behold the sea!

500 DAYS without FREEDOM

I am stunned that after 500 DAYS of fighting with ALL our might, Josh and Shane remain unjustly imprisoned in Iran. 


For 500 DAYS I have not been able to see Josh. For 500 DAYS I have not been able to speak to Josh. For 500 DAYS I have not been able to write to Josh...Not one of the letters I have written and sent has been given to him. 


So on DAY 500 I am posting this letter to Josh in the hopes that it circles the globe and reaches Josh in spirit. 

Dearest Josh, 

I am so deeply sorry for everything you are going through. When I first heard, I wanted to pull you out with my own two hands. When I couldn't do that, I put my hands to constant work to free you. My hands type on email, facebook and twitter, in letters, blog posts, and articles to free you. 

My hands make films and banners and bring people around the world together to free you. My hands hold your hand, Shane's hand, Alex's hand, your mom's hand, your dad's hand, Sarah's hand, Shane's family's hands, our students' hands, and our now mutual friends' hands in our joint fight for your freedom. We will keep fighting every moment that it takes until you are free and with us again. We feel you with us always and I hope with all my heart that you can feel us with you. 

So much love, 

Farah

JOSH FATTAL: 444 DAYS IN IRAN...AND COUNTING

This is a film about Josh Fattal, that I put my heart and soul into making, with the INvaluable inspiration of Josh and Alex Fattal, INvaluable help of Producer Stephanie McCabe, INvaluable footage from Yogeeta Manglani and INvaluable photos and quotes from Josh's beloved family and friends. Many of the photos and quotes are from Josh & my former students - after spending 4 months traveling the world together we are all heart broken that he continues to suffer such grave injustice. Not only did Josh do nothing wrong, but he is such a good force in our world - one that we desperately need back continuing to make it a better place. Continuing to make our lives better lives.  May this film help bring him home to us soon. We love you Josh!


Here is the official description of the film:

This is a Free the Hikers film about Josh Fattal, still unjustly detained in Iran along with Shane Bauer. No matter where Josh is, his interest in his environs combined with his kind and thoughtful nature provoke a deep sense of admiration from others. The film contains footage, photos and quotations from Josh's loved ones in an attempt to begin to capture the extraordinary person he is. It starts with letters to him from his family, his roots, and continues to share reflections from childhood and university friends. It then gives a glimpse into how much he was valued as a colleague and friend at Aprovecho Research and Education Centre. The majority of the film shares Josh's journey as the Teaching Fellow on the International Honors Program Health and Community Study Abroad Program. The intense journey took Josh to Switzerland, India, China, and South Africa from Jan-May 2009 with 33 students, 3 co-faculty, and multiple country partners. We hope that sharing this will help to speed his return to us and allow him to resume his journey. See www.freethehikers.org for more information.

Dear Sarah, Shane & Josh - My Hope for You

Dear Sarah, Shane and Josh,

I think of you this morning, light a candle for each of you around my hope stone. I hold hope for your prompt release every moment of every day. I speak for you, I fight for you every moment of every day. I hope you are able to feel that energy and know that you are not alone. There are hands around the world joining together to surround you in one big circle of love. I hope you are able to feel that immense love with you always. I hope it gives you peace and comfort. I hope it brings you home to us soon. Very very soon.

Love,
Farah